toxic traits to get rid of in 2020

  Here are the final 10 toxic traits to get rid of in 2020. This will be a post separated into two so that it’s easier to read. To read the first 10 toxic traits I listed, read this post from last week! Here are the final 10 toxic traits to get rid of in 2020:

1. 1. not having an open heart
   2. judging others
   3. bullying
   4. ignoring your problems
   5. being a complainer
   6. not taking the lead of your life
   7. avoiding your trauma and never healing
   8. trying to fit into every space
   9. playing victim
   10. being self centered
   11. blaming others
   12. spreading rumors
   13. control freak
   14. being hypocritical
   15. manipulation
   16. gas-lighting
   17. being aggressive
   18. having a negative mindset
   19. being a mean person
   20. not feeling worthy

toxic traits to get rid of #1: blaming others

Blaming others can also fall into playing the victim, which was toxic trait to get rid of #9. Blaming others when you are the culprit is very toxic. I’m sure you must hate it when someone blames others when you know the problem was the one pointing fingers. The worst part about blaming others is that it can turn into HATING others. That’s exactly what hitler did, and many other genocidists did to fuel their crimes. Rich people today teach middle class people to blame their problems on the poor, you see many americans blame immigrants for taking jobs from them, but what jobs are they even talking about? Being a farm worker and getting paid less than $10 a day? This is why blaming others is toxic. Get rid of it and you will see a better side to you.

toxic traits #2: spreading rumors

Spreading rumors is such a high school thing. Actually more like a middle school thing. If you are in high school still spreading rumors, just know if anything bad happens to the victim, it is your fault for adding fuel to the fire. I’m not sure why people love spreading rumors, like is it fun to be obsessed with other peoples lives and business that you forget to focus on yourself and your own business?

  Once I was in high school, I realized how damaging spreading rumors could be to others. Lots of kids in my school had problems and spreading rumors about people I didn’t know just seemed really stupid, because it wasn’t like my life was perfect enough to be talking about someone else’s life just to TALK. It’s a really childish and toxic thing to do and if you’re still doing it as an adult, maybe try putting all that focus on yourself and see what you need to fix about yourself. One thing I learned about spreading rumors is, if someone is gossiping to you, they will turn around and start talking about you behind your back as well.  

toxic traits #3: being a control freak

I can sometimes fall into this category because it’s hard to NOT be a controlling person when you are a virgo. I think as a virgo I have tried controlling way too many things when I only have two hands and I’m just one person. As a virgo, I want to control my life, what people think of me, and how others handle their own lives. I have been working on myself and I can honestly say, I am feeling much more calm now that I don’t worry about everything that I can’t control. Just trying to work on what you can control is enough!

toxic traits #4: being a hypocrite

Signs of a hypocrite are someone who constantly lies, someone who makes promises and breaks them and someone who asks to be trusted but later breaks the trust. Hypocrites are the type to get mad at others who do this to them, while they always do it themselves.

toxic traits #5: manipulation

Being a manipulative person is scary because something you have is POWER. If you are the victim, you really need to do a lot of work into not being manipulated. This can happen in so many areas in your life, it could be at work, on the street, from your family or your partner. Being a manipulator will not turn out great in the end. You may be caught if you’re seen hurting someone. If you’re not sure you’re a manipulative person, ask yourself these questions:

• you make disturbing statements, and later say the person misunderstood you
• you make others feel guilty
• if you aren’t given what you want from someone, you cut ties with them (sex, money, one-sided benefits)
• you make others walk on eggshells around you
• you make excuses so that you aren’t questioned
• being controlling
• you belittle people for their opinions and what they do
• making others feel inferior to you
• twisting words to benefit you
• you make others follow your rules

toxic traits #6: gas-lighting

I believe EVERYONE has dealt with gas-lighting before, whether it was from a friend, work, or partner. Gaslighting is a type of manipulation and abuse. So there’s enough reason to stop yourself from gaslighting ever again. Here’s some examples of gaslighting I have heard before:

• you’re too sensitive
• why are you getting defensive?
• you need a therapist!
• you’re imagining things
• you need help

How do you know if you are a victim of gaslighting?

Ask yourself these questions to find out:

• am I afraid to speak out or share my opinions?
• have I stopped trusting my own judgement?
• do i apologize to much?
• am i being brainwashed?
• have I been losing my confidence?

Do you know you can gaslight yourself?

I recently realized I have been doing this to myself because even though I’m a loner, I somehow still lost confidence in myself but noone else is really harming me anymore. So I figured maybe I was the one abusing myself.  

How can you stop self-gaslighting? 

toxic traits #7: being aggressive

Being an aggressive person will honestly land you in jail. The worst kind of person is someone who is older than you AND STILL WANTS TO FIGHT YOU for tiny inconveniences. I remember some lady slammed her door on my car, it wasn’t even her car, it was her friends. I just peaked out my window to check if she did damage cause I wasn’t even in my own car either lol, and she started getting aggressive and blaming it on her INFANT and making the baby cry while saying “this bitch(me) wants to fight me now”. I could tell she has already been to jail because her friend was NOT having it and really insisted her to calm down. If you are an aggressive person, it is up to you to work on those problems and get some help. You will either get beat up, end up in jail or just dead for trying to be so hard when you’re not. Life is about trying to be the best person you can be and change others the way you changed yourself. I don’t know many aggressive people in my life other than my sibling, and he would always get into trouble, either jail, or break his face by someone else OR hurt himself. Honestly, aggressive people look like they’ve fallen so deep in a pit that they can’t get themselves out of it unless they face the real reasons behind their aggressiveness. You’re not helping yourself, or anyone else by being aggressive. There’s better things you can do with your life than being an aggressive person! When you think about it, you must attack what it is that is making you an aggressive person.

toxic traits #8: having a negative mindset

A negative mindset usually stems from trauma, past relationships, bad experiences and anything negative that has happened in our life. I have been a negative person since probably high school and i grew very toxic behaviors, usually i would hurt myself and my family members.

from medium

Ways you can combat a negative mindset:

• journaling
• practicing gratitude
• meditating
• doing yoga
• researching Law of Attraction

Whenever I am feeling negative, I usually do something positive like work on myself, whether it be on my blog or my physical health or journaling. In high-school I started to look up Law of Attraction and it really was the only thing that helped me become a positive person and get rid of a lot of these toxic behaviors I have listed so far.

Related Reads: My spiritual Awakening Journey, Taking Control of my Happiness

toxic traits #9: being mean

I have been a mean person during highschool, like I said earlier. When I got married, I still had many toxic behaviors and my husband would confront me. I would insist that that’s just how I grew up and was raised, so I could not be changed. I blamed my family for the way I acted, but now I’m grateful to have realized I am not like my family and just because I grew up with a not so non-toxic family, doesn’t mean I have to keep being that way and eventually teaching my kids those toxic ways to continue the toxicity in our bloodline/generation. It’s important to learn to be a better person so we can teach others and our kids to be a better person so they won’t have to learn how to be a good person and have to recover from traumas our parents made us go through.  

toxic traits #10: not feeling worthy

When you feel unworthy, you start to treat yourself with disrespect thus leading strangers to treat you badly too. In order to get rid of the feeling of unworthiness, you must look at yourself the way you might look at art, or your pet cat, your most prized possession. I used to feel unworthy a lot, but what helped me was when I got with my husband. He would feel the same way and say bad things to himself. I decided I would have to start feeling worthy and loving myself if I also want him to feel the same about himself. It started to help both of us and we are doing better as adults now. Feeling unworthy is a very childish toxic feeling.

Good ways to start feeling worthy of love and of living, etc:

• Journal about gratitude and about completing goals of any kind.
• stop waiting for the approval of others when you have yourself!
• look for someone who will want to go on a journey to feel worthy together!
• change your wording: instead of saying “I can’t”, try to say ” i can’t yet” or “i will try and do my best”
• find people like you who can help you out, who feel the same and know your struggles.

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Thanks for reading toxic traits to get rid of in 2020!

what traits are you still getting rid of? what are some toxic traits that I missed?

Last post: How I saved money with LOA Read more: 2020 life update | 20 toxic traits to get rid of (part 1) | What to let go of for a better you

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