Laundromats and the rain: Manifesting happiness and forgiving those who caused you pain (A story of what may have been my first spiritual awakening)

If you don’t know much about manifestation and spiritual awakening, that’s okay because I’m just starting to get into it too.

Recently I’ve been posting more content on my IG stories about manifestation, spreading positive energy, and sharing affirmations as well. I haven’t been too active but I still post a few thangs here and there. For this blog post, I wanted to talk about one night in March where I experienced what I think was a spiritual awakening. (it’s not as weird as you think it is!)

art by Karla (milkyema)

I was editing my playlist RAIN FALLS on spotify (follow it here lol) and I was previewing some other songs to see which should go into it. These songs brought back some memories from when I was 6 or 8 years old. Some tracks on the playlist sound like elevator music. The kind that would play at this big laundromat my family would always go to. (Think elevator tunes, chill jazz/bossanova lol.)

So, editing my playlist reminded of some memories which then made me think of painful memories too. This music that played at that laundromat, which was the biggest laundromat around at the time, made me feel happy.

 

A video of the moon on May 1st, a day after I did my first ever Full Moon Ritual hehe

People who cause harm face consequences and I know this because I’ve finally moved on, while these people still aren’t where they may want to be. My dad for example, hasn’t been in our lives for a long time and he always tells me about how he feels bad when my siblings don’t talk to him. My mom despises him. Sometimes I don’t even respond to his messages because I’m too busy. It wouldn’t have been like this if he just accepted his role as a father from the beginning (lol, harsh but it’s facts).

I think one thing he is missing right now is his kids and that’s why I think you need to forgive the mistakes of others. If you take it upon yourself to find revenge for what others did to you, you will only be giving yourself more grief and stress.

For a long time, I held grudges from all the people who hurt me in my life and everyday it hurt more because it was always in the back of my mind. Even on days where I was feeling my best, I had pent up anger, insecurities and sadness inside me. What I did this night in March was finally forgive and let it all go.

art by Karla (milkyema on ig!)

It feels good to forgive and let go.

To finally be free and let it all go means loving yourself, loving others, accepting the mistakes and pain caused and finding forgiveness. I always used to say “forgive but never forget”, but now I also forget. I know who not to mess with, but I don’t judge people like I used to just because they hurt me once.

If you were the one who caused the pain, you will also need to forgive yourself. I have faced more pain from hurting others, even if I was hurt, and I too faced consequences. You will see that you will live a better life when you apologize for your mistakes, do good and also forgive yourself for the pain you inflicted on others.

No one is perfect and people can change. It’s not your job to continue suffering for what pain others have caused you. Your job is to enjoy life and let nature take it’s course because one day, those people might feel the exact same pain they put you through.

rain on window

I believe this might have been my first spiritual awakening because some people describe theirs and it sounds similar to what I went through. That night in March, I cried from complete happiness and joy because of how good it felt to forgive and let go of these bad feelings.

I forgave family members for being toxic –

because we are all just people and although we think the ones close to us should be perfect, they’re not always going to be. Sometimes your parents are going to be toxic and you have to find a way to accept them for who they are and just live your life without letting them get to you. I’ve tried a lot to get the right kind of love/acceptance from certain family members, but it’s just not going to get to where I want it to be. I accept it and I am content with making the best of life while I’m still alive with them.

I don’t want to say other pains and how I forgave the people who caused them since it’s personal, but here’s what I did to get to experience a spiritual awakening.

How I got closer to having a spiritual awakening (finding forgiveness, letting go of the past, and manifesting happiness) :

When I was super depressed (around the middle of 2017), I sometimes didn’t brush my teeth, shower or clean my apartment, so …

  • being kinder to myself helped me in loving myself more (which leads to loving others too)
    • cleaning my apartment or “environment” helped me feel less like I was filth living in filth lol
      • being in a messy environment can keep you in an ugly state of sadness, messiness and can make you more depressed.
    • getting facials, brushing teeth regularly and showering helped me get out of a toxic habit of being sad a lot
      • i started brushing my teeth 4 times a day when i was in mexico so they can get extra white and that made me feel so amazing!
      • i used a face mask once a month to keep my skin pretty (aztec clay mask!) which helped me feel better when i looked at myself in the mirror heh
      • i stopped skipping showers because that definitely kept me in a bad mood lol
    • drinking lots of water and tea
    • treating yourself like you would treat a best friend, a cute kid, or a bunny
      • I would think of my boyfriend Alexander and how sometimes he would say mean things to himself. I didn’t like when he did that so I shouldn’t either. (neither should you!)
    • stop bullying yourself, i.e, saying “i’m so stupid”, “im an idiot”, “im useless/worthless”, “I shouldn’t even be alive”.
      • instead of bringing yourself down with hurtful words, learn to say “im so cute”, Im so silly”, “I’m so pretty”, “im smart!” (I accidently said “im so fat” and I used it as an insult to myself, but quickly changed it to “im so pretty” lol. It’s a great way to shift your thoughts to think better things instead of making you toxic to yourself!

I started treating myself better and wouldn’t ya know, I ended up being a lot more happy. Like most people, I still have some problems with accepting a few of my flaws, but I don’t point them out and hate on them anymore. I embrace what I have and try my best to accept myself fully. I can say that now that’s really my only problem that I’m working on.

  • getting rid of what was not serving me anymore
    • a lot of clothes and junk I had cooped up in my room was just making me sad and frustrated. I always carried around a bunch of stuff I don’t use, so I put more things up for sale and donation.
    • holding grudges was a habit that was not serving me, because they only caused me more pain. the past is in the past, we have to focus on the road ahead.
    • becoming a minimalist has helped me a bit because not only am i getting rid of things I don’t need, but I’m only surrounded by what actually serves me.
  • writing down goals and figuring out your future
    • I write a lot now that I have to be organised as a blogger. this brought me to finding what’s important in my life
    • writing journal entries helps in finding yourself, who I really am isn’t a messy girl moping around about the sad things in her life. journal entries helped me be a friend to myself.
  • being grateful for everyday things, like :
    • takeout you ordered,
    • a tip from work,
    • being able to purchase something from starbucks, etc.
      • i now have a gratitude journal where I talk about all the great things I was able to do and things I got for the day, like a ride to somewhere or a depop sale.

These steps helped me be a happier person. Just a few months ago I was completely lifeless, and not even my cat could stop me from feeling like my life should end. Honestly, I didn’t even think of my cat and didn’t care that she existed. I was really wondering why I was still alive at that point, but I’m so thankful that I had Alexander on the phone. He was able to make me feel better and even make me laugh.


Have you ever had a spiritual awakening? What was it like? Do you consider my story a spiritual awakening, because I’m really not 100% sure lol. Please share your thoughts and stories!

P.S

I featured some art from one of my fav artists Karla. Here are her socials in case you’re interested!

Instagram | Tumblr | Storenvy | VSCO

LOVE, KIKI

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2 Comments

  • I cannot tell you how much I love this! I definitely agree with you that holding onto anger and grudges is far worse for your mental and spiritual wellbeing…let it go, move on and focus on all the good. Also, I’m glad you’re feeling better – depresseion fucking sucks xx

    • Thanks, I’m so happy you enjoyed!!
      Yes, it’s bad I barely realized that it’s not good to hold onto those things, but its cool. Better late than never! (sorry for the late response but this comment was in my spam box wth!)

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