Relationships | Mistakes to avoid as a young couple living together

mistakes to avoid as a young couple living together

I’m one of the few thousand or million people who moved in with their s/o and it turned out pretty bad in the long run.

This time 3 years ago in 2016, I moved into an apartment with my husband Alexander!

We weren’t in a long distance anymore and it was like a dream come true. Honestly, we were probably the happiest couple in our apartment complex, or maybe even in town, or in the world? It was just a perfect moment knowing that we were able to be together so soon in our long distance relationship.

It wasn’t long until we started fighting and yelling, and other horrible things happened. We even had to start couples therapy to try to “save” our relationship.

Here’s what I learned about those days of living together and all the advice I can give to you guys so what happened to us, won’t happen to you!

 

 art by myeong-minho
Courtesy of Myeong-Minho

 

4 Mistakes to Avoid as a Young Couple Living Together

 

1. Don’t let pressure separate you

I let the pressure of making money get to me which then made me hate my relationship. Sounds really bad of me lol!

Eventually after living together, I let people’s ideas of the man making money get to me. I started to think that my husband needed to help me pay for the rent while I did was study.

If you’re a girl and you think your male partner needs to make money just because he’s a man, you might be the reason your relationship falls apart. I’m saying this because I don’t love a man for money, and their reason for being with me isn’t only to make money for my family. So yeah, take that into consideration when moving in with someone and even starting a relationship.

 

mistakes to avoid as a couple living together, art by kanekoya | soyvirgo.com
Courtesy of Kanekoya

2. Not getting to know each others (bad) habits

Visit each other often before you decide to move in!

Alexander and I were long distance, so it was a bit tough to get to know him and really get to know his bad habits over Skype to be honest.

You guys can just be truthful with each other and ask questions. Some things I would ask Alexander:

  • Do you enjoy sleeping with music on all night? If he said no, we probably wouldn’t be together.
  • Are you messy?

That’s literally all I asked him over Skype LOL.

I really suggest being able to hang out and even later sleep over your partner’s house to get to know who they really are. Do everything with them before deciding to move in. If you’re long distance like us, maybe have a vacation over their house for a week or more, just like I first did in 2015!

 

 mistakes to avoid as a couple living together, art by myeong-minho | soyvirgo.com
Courtesy of Myeong-Minho

 

3. Not having a steady income or money saved

I was a full time student and Alexander had to leave California with just work experience to find jobs in Chicago. Let me tell you right away, he did not get a job the moment he touched down in Illinois!

I don’t believe in the man being the only bread-winner, but we agreed he would work and I would study since I never had a real job before and wasn’t about to stress over finding one when I had to focus on school.

But this was a big mistake for both of us in the end.

To be fair though, my family basically kicked me out and told me to find an apartment simply because my brother whom I was living with didn’t want to live with me anymore. That’s the only reason why Alexander had to come live with me so out-of-the-blue. Ahhh, my prince. JK lol.

So, you babes better save your coins! (That’s what we’re doing NOW)

 

mistakes to avoid as a couple living together, art by Pascal Campion | soyvirgo.com
Courtesy of Pascal Campion

4. Not loving each other 100% ( puppy love )

Neither of you are perfect, so will you deal with their flaws or nah? Sometimes I thought I wanted to end my relationship with Alexander for the smallest, pettiest things. Now that we have dealt with almost cutting ties from each other, I’ve learned that there’s no-one else for me but him! Yes there were flaws that I saw, but they weren’t flaws that would make me want to leave him. I mean, have you guys seen The Notebook? You’re not about to leave your one true love for something so dumb, right?

Ask yourself:

  1. Do I want a baby with this person?
  2. Will I want to marry them in the future?
  3. Do I want to share everything with this being?
  4. Can I ride for them?
  5. …Can I die for them? JK.

When you fight with this partner, really think if you will end up going back to them once you’re done being mad at them. Don’t make the mistake of quitting right away when it was just a small argument. Try to find out if it really is love or if it’s just a moment that you or they want to experience living with another person. Is it real or nah? lol

 

Advice for young couples moving in together

 

Chores

Share chores! If both of you work and go to school this will be easy to figure out. If you’re like me and only went to school and helped out mommy all the time, well you still need to do chores when school isn’t in the way.

I gave my husband a lot of breaks because he was the one paying our rent. You have to both put in work to keep your place beautiful and cute so it doesn’t turn out to be a home you hate going to.

 

Making sure you guys are ok with each others… everything!

Are you okay with how he snores? Does he have a lot of plushies or those weird anime figures LOL. Well, figure that out BEFORE you guys move in together.

Don’t avoid talks about MONEY

You guys, honestly, if you’re about to move in together and do adult things, you have to talk about money and adult things! If you wanna do big boy/girl things, you gotta have the big boy/girl mindset.

Talk about the rent, bills, chores and everything in between!

Share your habits

Do you have smelly feet? Tell your partner that. Do you have a habit of biting your toenails? My best friend did, and I was able to still sleepover her house. What if your future partner does that, could you handle it, or will they have to quit that habit? Talk it out!

 

mistakes to avoid as a couple living together, art by PUUUNG | soyvirgo.com
Courtesy of Puuung

Have ideal home plans

Make a note or drawings of what kind of home you both want. My husband and I have always talked about tiny houses. We don’t like materialistic things that much anyway.

What if you and your partner like big things? You need to see what houses you both are looking for and if they need a huge backyard or not! Figure these things out before you put so much stress on yourselves going out all the time to find for rent/for sale signs.

Don’t forget to print your Id’s and pay stubs when you’re apartment hunting!

Reasons for moving in together

Share your reasons for wanting to move in together. Do you guys do it for love and to be closer to each other? You have to find out if your partner and you are on the same page. That’s something Alexander and I always did. We would talk about everything and usually he would say, “Yes, I want that too!” Sometimes he just said that so I would fall for him more lol. But anyways, make sure you both are on the same page or at least like what the other one wants out of the relationship and the reasons they want to move with you.

 


 

Thank you for reading!

I hope these tips can help you and your future or current partner!

Tell me what your living situations are with your partner. Are you interested in moving in with someone young, or would you guys rather wait until your late 20’s?

Bye, have a great weekend!

 

Previous Post: How to make your own deodorant at home!

Read more: What to Know Before You Move Out at 20Movies to watch with a loved one!, Getting Married at 19

 

LOVE, KIKI

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Hi it's Kiki! I'm a mid 90's baby who loves her husband and cats! I love writing about anime, music, veganism, minimalism, clean living, long distance marriage, fashion, art and Law of Attraction. Read more @ soyvirgo.com/kiki

10 Comments

  • Honestly though. People (lol ME) Have just moved in with someone Willy nilly cause I was “in love”. I’m not with that person anymore (living or romantically) but I’m really happy for you and your husband that y’all were able to work things out!! Yay!

    • I guess I would have done the same with my husband cuz well, i got married right away so what would stop me from moving in with him if we werent long distance lol! thank you tho yeah im glad we made it out okay <3

  • Living together is a big lifestyle adjustment. There are certain things that need to be sacrificed or worked on. These are great tips – definitely, don’t let the pressure separate either of you. If it does, it shows how much the person is willing to fight for you. Oh man, bad habits can go a long way. I know I am very OCD. It is important to have a rainy day fund. Thanks for sharing these tips!

    Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

  • Thanks so much for this, very useful! I’m moving in with my other half in September for my final year of University and his second, and even though we will only be living together for a year the premise still stands! Hopefully it all runs smoothly and doesn’t fall apart!

  • This was helpful. I feel like we’re always getting to know our partners. Like it may take decades to fully get to know someone, and then they surprise you with something new. So asking questions, and asking them if they’re okay with certain things is a great way to grow respect for each other as well.

    • True! When I was with my husband in Cali last month I was really feeling like I will always be learning new things about him. There’s so much to a person and also we all change so I guess we will always be learning about our partners 🙂

  • I don’t have a SO, but this reminds me of when I was living in Japan because I was in the Navy and I got a home out in town with someone I barely knew and my twin. While I could live fine with my twin, but it was so hard to live with this girl I barely knew (but thought that I knew well.) I think living with anyone especially a SO is an adjustment, and it’s not something someone should jump in to.

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