Diary | 7am thoughts

Hello

I just wanted to be honest and share my notes on here.

Im not active on here since I got a full time job but that doesn’t mean i shouldnt update when I actually have a lot to say.

Yankee candle take note
My cute candle. I took this picture to review it on a blog post but let’s be honest, its going to take forever for me to write that one.

Today i woke up to the sound of my mom being fought by some lady on the living room floor. Dont ask, she’s just a lady in our life who we are trying to get away from. And we will asap (we are probably going to move out soon).

Last night i was crying because I can’t talk to my husband normally anymore. We’re long distance, so that means we should have much more communication because of that. Lately I’ve felt like theres hardly any.

I am working full time 40+ hours a week and i feel lonely. Work- to- home and back lifestyle is not for me, but i accept it because i was recently fired as you guys know.

So i feel that this job was meant for me to accept and love and cherish, and i do so far. But that doesn’t mean i won’t feel stressed sometimes and lonely so i need extra attention from someone, like my husband.

Im not getting much attention so I just automatically feel like our relationship is not going great. Thats normal, I think.

I don’t talk to my family about my feelings i don’t have friends to talk to because i don’t feel comfortable sharing these things with them. I’ve never felt good about sharing my personal life with people even friends, until meeting my husband.

I tell him everything, but now I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t want to hear me either.

Anyways, that’s whats on my mind. Thats why im inactive. I wish it were a more simple reason like school or work but let’s be honest. I feel a little sad right now, a little bit more than sad. I just don’t want to do much right now other than be sad and cry in my room, but I have to pretend I’m okay because I don’t want my brother or mom to see me cry.

This is just a moment in my 20s and its hard to deal with but I know I will turn out ok and my life will turn out okay or even anazing!

The reason im sharing this on here – what’s supposed to be my professional and neat looking blog – is because I don’t want to keep writing in secret blogs that noone follows me on, like im literally talking to myself ans it bothers me. I want to share honestly what im going through.

I don’t want to keep bothering my husband, im not going to keep talking to myself on secret lonely blogs or journaling apps…

I know its awkward to read these kind of posts, but this just shows you guys I truly have noone to talk to. And im truly at a bad place right now because im sharing these things on my “sidejob blog” or whatever this now is.

For now, i will try to sleep because I got home from work at 10, played some games. Then started arguing with my husband at 12, cried until 2am and woke up from the sounds of a drunk gorilla on my tiny mom in the living room. (Mom’s okay, my brother took the lady out of the house)

Ugh…all I wanted was to live alone with a cat in a tiny house — why is life so complicated?

Anyways, here’s a picture of my money from work im really grateful for. Let’s be happy healthy and wealthy.

Have an amazing day guys 💗

As long as we try, thats good enough!

Hi it's Kiki! I'm a mid 90's baby who loves her husband and cats! I love writing about anime, music, veganism, minimalism, clean living, long distance marriage, fashion, art and Law of Attraction. Read more @ soyvirgo.com/kiki

9 Comments

  • If I told you it would get better, would you believe me? Trust me it will, keep journaling, keep hustling, keep loving life. Knowing your purpose is the key. Ask yourself … What do you want? I’m always quoting Maya Angelou, but there is a quote from her saying … “Ask for what you want, and expect to receive it” — Wye

    • i did what u said.. and it got better asap. lol! it’s what i usually do, i say/think/imagine what i want and i usually get it. i did it this time again and its kind of funny what happened when i wrote this post. thank you for your words <3

  • im sorry you’re going through such a tough time! i think you should talk to your husband about how you’re feeling, i’m sure he’ll be happy to hear you open up to him and in turn he can talk to you. i hope everything works out for you in the end. sending love x

  • I’m sorry Kiki, I hope you and your mom will be able to get away from that woman soon, kind of reminds me of my mom and I, we are trying to get away from a certain someone / people as well. Ugh LDR’s…so tough. I’m sorry communication has been less 🙁 I do believe it will get better though! I am sure your hubby isn’t tired of hearing from you <3

    Geraldine | https://geraldinetalks.com

  • It’s always hard to adjust from job to job and such, so I can understand that.

    Oh, wow that scary. I’m glad that your mom is okay, but that kind of crazy person comes into someone else’s house and attacks them like that. Glad that your brother was there.

    Long distance is really hard, and I’m sorry to hear about this plus you working full time is extra stress. All jobs even the best ones have stress and troubles that can be hard. It is sometimes hard to share with others especially with things like that. Maybe, your husban is feeling stressed also, and just communicating in general through phones and long distances is stressful all together. I understand feeling sad and not wanting anyone to see you cry, I spent a lot of time holding in how I felt, and noting letting anyone see me cry when my grandpa was dying/died.

    It’s good that you are looking up though, and sometime letting things out even on a blog helps, I know I rather tell the internet things than a lot of people in my real life. Your blog is you, and you should share whatever you want on there.

    Feel better <3

  • I’mso sorry to read this.. Communication is surely important and so hard on a long distance relationship…
    I wish you all the best and send you my best wishes. Take time for yourself and to help yourself 😊❤️

  • I’m sorry to head about the issues with you & your husband, Kiki. We are always here to listen to you, especially when it feels like no one else. ♡ Thanks for trusting us with your true feelings!

    That lady that attacked & is fighting with your mom sounds wild, I am glad she didn’t hurt her!

  • Hi Kiki, sorry to hear you’ve been going through a hard time lately. I’ve been struggling as well, especially this past week, so I can understand. Hope things get better for you soon. Thinking of you. ❤

    Zania

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