Diary | 7am thoughts
I just wanted to be honest and share my notes on here.
Im not active on here since I got a full time job but that doesn’t mean i shouldnt update when I actually have a lot to say.
Today i woke up to the sound of my mom being fought by some lady on the living room floor. Dont ask, she’s just a lady in our life who we are trying to get away from. And we will asap (we are probably going to move out soon).
Last night i was crying because I can’t talk to my husband normally anymore. We’re long distance, so that means we should have much more communication because of that. Lately I’ve felt like theres hardly any.
I am working full time 40+ hours a week and i feel lonely. Work- to- home and back lifestyle is not for me, but i accept it because i was recently fired as you guys know.
So i feel that this job was meant for me to accept and love and cherish, and i do so far. But that doesn’t mean i won’t feel stressed sometimes and lonely so i need extra attention from someone, like my husband.
Im not getting much attention so I just automatically feel like our relationship is not going great. Thats normal, I think.
I don’t talk to my family about my feelings i don’t have friends to talk to because i don’t feel comfortable sharing these things with them. I’ve never felt good about sharing my personal life with people even friends, until meeting my husband.
I tell him everything, but now I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t want to hear me either.
Anyways, that’s whats on my mind. Thats why im inactive. I wish it were a more simple reason like school or work but let’s be honest. I feel a little sad right now, a little bit more than sad. I just don’t want to do much right now other than be sad and cry in my room, but I have to pretend I’m okay because I don’t want my brother or mom to see me cry.
This is just a moment in my 20s and its hard to deal with but I know I will turn out ok and my life will turn out okay or even anazing!
The reason im sharing this on here – what’s supposed to be my professional and neat looking blog – is because I don’t want to keep writing in secret blogs that noone follows me on, like im literally talking to myself ans it bothers me. I want to share honestly what im going through.
I don’t want to keep bothering my husband, im not going to keep talking to myself on secret lonely blogs or journaling apps…
I know its awkward to read these kind of posts, but this just shows you guys I truly have noone to talk to. And im truly at a bad place right now because im sharing these things on my “sidejob blog” or whatever this now is.
For now, i will try to sleep because I got home from work at 10, played some games. Then started arguing with my husband at 12, cried until 2am and woke up from the sounds of a drunk gorilla on my tiny mom in the living room. (Mom’s okay, my brother took the lady out of the house)
Ugh…all I wanted was to live alone with a cat in a tiny house — why is life so complicated?
Anyways, here’s a picture of my money from work im really grateful for. Let’s be happy healthy and wealthy.
Have an amazing day guys 💗
As long as we try, thats good enough!